Bringing unconscious thinking pattern out, understanding your beliefs, and transforming them are the three steps to make your beliefs effective for leadership purposes.

In this post, you’ll find out how to grow awareness in relation to your thoughts and how to shift your mindset.

STEP I: BRING YOUR UNCONSCIOUS THINKING PATTERN OUT

Transformation and change starts with awareness and understanding. Awareness of your thoughts and thinking patterns is at the core of your transformation process, to become a self-aware positive leader.

How can you further gain insights on your thinking patterns? Look out for patterns of behaviors or repetitive thoughts. These are clear indicators that there is a belief at play.

1) Self-observation

Slow down regularly during the day and self-reflect on the way you think and react. Ask yourself what’s going on, what’s behind your reaction and what you learn about the situation. Ask yourself the following questions:

What do I think or feel in this moment?
Which assumptions am I having about myself, the person or the situation? What am I telling myself (self-talk)
What am I likely to focus on to unconsciously confirm my belief or assumption?
What do I feel in my body? Which body part speaks?
How am I reacting to the current situation? What did I say or do as a reaction to the situation?
What are my distractions?
What are my biases?
What am I unaware of?
Am I focused on opportunities or on problems? Do I display a growth mindset or a fixed mindset?

It may seem really weird at first but it will become more natural with practice. To help you remember this initial step, it may be effective to keep a journal or other record of your thoughts. Jot down a few notes throughout your day, tracking your typical thought process.

Additionally, you can reflect on following questions:

Which beliefs do I have about myself? Formulate them in “I” format e.g. ‘I am intelligent”, “I should not make mistakes”, “I don’t have what it takes to succeed”, etc.
What certitude do you have in life, e.g. “I can do whatever I am deciding”, “work always pays off”, “the world belongs to those who dare”, etc ?
How do you judge the attitude of others towards you, e.g. “people usually tend to help me”, “my colleagues trust me”, “my peers see me as egocentric”, “my staff perceives me as impulsive”, etc.?
Identify the situations where you procrastinate and ask yourself why. What is the underlying thought or belief?

2) Self-talk and limiting beliefs

We are more than our beliefs, and yet they can drive our thinking and behaviors without us even noticing it. Beliefs can be empowering or disempowering, supportive or limiting.

Take into account your inner dialogue about yourself and about situations. Too often there is a voice in our head talking to ourselves in unhelpful ways saying “I can’t do this”, ”This is too hard”, “This will take too long”, “He/she won’t be able to do it”, ‘I’ll be faster doing it myself”, “I am not enough”, ‘I should be better”, “I am stupid”, “I don’t have time”, “successful people are just lucky” etc.

What are your little voices telling you? Which ones are talking louder or more frequently than the others?

Your limiting beliefs can potentially manifest in the following ways:

When you make excuses (ask yourself : What excuses do I tend to indulge in? What do these excuses mean? Why do I make them?)
When you complain about things. (What kind of things do I tend to complain about, or blame others for?)
When you indulge in negative thoughts
When you indulge in unhelpful habits
When you jump to conclusions and/or make assumptions
When you hesitate or express your fears
When you worry about failure or making mistakes
When you worry uncontrollably for no apparent reason.
When you think about procrastinating
When you think about indulging in perfectionism

Take all of these things into consideration and list down all the limiting beliefs that come to mind as you dig into these manifestations.

Pay attention as well to your negative assumptions and beliefs about people and things. Our *assumptions act like a filter that our automatic brain uses to simplify our experience of the world (Confirmation bias). If we encounter some information or behavior that matches what we are expecting, our automatic system will probably make sure we are aware of it. If we encounter something that runs counter to our expectations, our automatic system will tend to disregard it. Confirmation bias makes us filter out information that might challenge our expectations and it can even distort the things we hear and see to match our expectations. A sign we might fall in the confirmation bias is the use of absolute language (never, always, completely, totally, absolutely, definitely, terrible, awful, ..).

3) Language distortions

The way we speak about things, the words we choose to describe people and events are interesting insights in the way we think about these people or events. Language provides insight into our belief system. If there is a limiting belief in the system, there will be a cause and effect statement operating within our language.

Pay closer attention to the way you express yourself, and focus more specifically on the following language distortions:

STEP II: UNDERSTANDING

Don’t believe a thought of what you think – none of them are you! Most of them are recordings from the past.

As you examine your beliefs, honestly and courageously, think about what their impact has been, or is, on your life, in your reactions, and in your behaviors. Know that these beliefs are not you, you are more than your beliefs.

Exercisel 1 : identify the added value of the belief

Draw a table with two columns. In the left one, write down the most limiting beliefs. Then look into the first belief, and complete the second column by answering the following questions:

What is this belief bringing me?
To what extend is it a supportive belief? What does it enable me or what does it offer me (e.g. security, pride, etc.)
For a limiting belief :
- What is the impact of me holding this belief?
- What negative consequences have I already experienced as a result of this belief?
- How did I come to form this particular limiting belief?
- What would be a reason for keeping it? What is it protecting me from? What value am I gaining by holding onto this belief? What has made me hold onto this belief for so long?

Exercise 2 : check out how realistic are your beliefs?

Evaluate how realistic your thoughts are. Ask yourself :

Is this belief true?
What evidence exists that this belief is true?
Is this belief serving me?
Where do I believe this belief may have come from?
Who may have given that rule to me?
Does it still have any value now?
Who would I be without this belief? What could I do without this belief?
What would happen to me if I would not follow this belief or do the opposite?
What would I need to believe in to get the results I want; What do I need to say to myself to get the results I want?

It’s important to mention that each of your limiting beliefs serves a purpose. They are there because they protect you from something.

STEP III: TRANSFORMATION

“YOUR PAST DOES NOT EQUAL THE FUTURE (Tony Robbins)”

Useful beliefs can be reinforced. Those which don’t serve you, can be challenged and changed.

The aim of this step is to build a positive thinking pattern by:

Reinforcing the supportive beliefs
Adding new supportive beliefs
Weakening the negative beliefs

Tool 1: Feel the long-term pain of your limiting belief

To replace your limiting belief with a more empowering belief, you will need to convince yourself that the value you’re deriving from this limiting belief isn’t required any longer.

The more pain you can associate with holding onto this belief, the more motivation you will have to make a positive change in your life.

What will the consequences be if I’m unable to make this change and can’t eliminate this limiting belief?
How will not changing affect me physically? Emotionally? Mentally? Financially? In my relationships with others?
How will not changing affect my life?
What are the short-term consequences of not changing?
What are the potential long-term consequences of not making this change? Where will I be in a 3 years’, 5 years’, 10 years’, 20, years’ time etc from here if I keep this belief?
How will all this make me feel?
Given all this, why is it important to make this change right now?

Tool 2 : Reframe your limiting belief

Write down each old limiting belief that prevents you from being or doing what you want, cross it out and realize that these beliefs are not real but are a construction from your past, and then write your new empowering belief.

Frame it by saying “It’s not (limiting belief X), the truth is Y (new belief).To reinforce that new belief, say a strong yes to it, regularly reconnect to it and take action from this mindset.

Example 1:

Limiting belief: As a leader, I have to know it all”

Empowering belief: “As a leader, I should leverage my strengths and the ones of my team

⇨ It’s not true that as a leader I need to know it all. The truth is that as a leader I should leverage my strengths and those of my team.

⇨ Or you could formulate it as follows, upon your preference: “As a leader, I have the know it all. That’s bullshit! The truth is that as a leader I should leverage my strengths and those of my team”

Example 2:

Limiting belief: Asking for help and explanations is a sign of vulnerability and weakness, and can damage my future professional success

Empowering belief: Asking for help and explanations will enable me to more quickly build my skills and knowledge

⇨ It’s not true that asking for help is a sign of weakness. The truth is that asking for help enables me to acquire skills and knowledge at a faster pace

Example 3:

Limiting belief: “One has to work hard to be successful”

Empowering belief: “One has to work smart to be successful”

⇨ “It’s not true that one has to work hard to be successful. The truth is that one has to work smart to be successful”

Tool 3: Discrediting negative beliefs

The only reason why you believe what you belief is because it had credibility in the past, in your childhood or past environment/context. The aim is to re-examine those beliefs based on who you are today, your current knowledge and skills and taking into account who you want to become.

Take your journal and write down 3 or 4 limiting beliefs or fears you have which limit e.g. your leadership potential. Now, take each belief one by one, imagine someone sharing that belief with you and play the devil’s advocate from a supportive stand point. Come up with counter-arguments and speak them out loud, with passion and energy.

Example: “You have to work hard and master everything to be a good leader”

Arguments: “Are you crazy? You don’t have to work hard! You have to work smart, setting the direction, leveraging the strengths of your team and managing your energy and that of your team to reach your objectives!”.

Speak out these arguments loud and with energy. Afterwards, you can thank your mind for this insight by saying “Thank you for this insight”.

Tool 4: Cognitive restructuration

This technique involves identifying, challenging, and changing your negative thoughts. It enables you to identify alternative thought patterns and assess their impact.

Identify a situation which resulted in a negative emotion or reaction. Describe the situation as factually as possible: where were you, with whom, what happened, what were you doing, what was the flow of the interaction or event?
Then take the time to identify the thoughts you had throughout the different steps and moments of the event. What were your assumptions? What were you limiting thoughts? Which self-talk did you have?
What was the impact of these thoughts on your emotions? How did you feel throughout the different phases of the event?
Now, look back at the factual description of the event, and put on a different set of eyeglasses. What would e.g. a kid think when observing the situation? Or a clown? Or a leader you consider as a role model? Etc.
Which of these alternative thought(s) resonate most to you? Put on these eyeglasses and assess the situation through these lenses. How do you feel? What’s the impact?

Example :

Tool 5: quality check your talking

If you are aware of some language distortions, start examining the way you express yourself and train yourself to reformulate your point of view and thoughts in a positive and constructive way. Changing your language will influence your thinking patterns.

In short:

Stop using guilt phrases (Should/must). Instead, use phrases such as “I want to ..”or “I will…” This will help you phrase your beliefs in a positive manner, and consequently also frame your mind in the positive.
Challenge your thoughts when you generalize (everyone, nobody, always, never, etc.). Bring more nuances in your black & white thinking e.g. by being more specific . Ask yourself if it is really everyone? All the world? Or “always”, is it really really “always? Look for counter-evidence.
Express yourself in positive constructive ways (no blaming, no negative self-talk, no judgment about others, ..) and build positive assumptions about others
Instead of blaming, look for solutions and state what you need or your suggested solutions
Avoid using the word “because”.
Differentiate between the person and the behavior, don’t judge a person, give feedback on his behavior and the impact

Tool 6 : the supporting belief table

Draw a table and label each leg with a reason that supports the belief you deserve to be a successful leader. These reasons refer to key strengths you possess and that will help you reach your ambition.

Tool 7: Visualization or mental rehearsal

Visualization is a mind management technique which involves imagining the desired outcome (your goals, your changed life) over and over again, visualizing as well the steps it takes to get there, and the obstacles and challenges you overcome along the way

Studies have shown that if we imagine ourselves successfully completing a task then we are more likely to be successful at the task when we actually do it.

Step-by-step approach for a visualization exercise:

Imagine the environment in which you want to perform well, in which you want to be an effective leader (e.g. your office, a meeting room, you boss’s office, etc.)
Add as much details about this environment by leveraging each of your senses. What objects are in this environment? (a table, a whiteboard, a computer etc.), and where are they positioned in the room? What’s their color and shape? Which sounds are present in that environment? Which smells?
Now, visualize the situation as if you were watching a movie, and picture everything in the present moment. You see the movie playing on a big screen in front of you, the screen slightly higher than you (so eyes looking upward). You appear in that movie. See yourself self-confident, self-aware and centered, well prepared.
Add any other person who will be present (colleague, boss, peer, direct report etc.). Imagine they are all in a constructive and positive mindset and mood. They are open to your ideas and react positively to what you say and do.
Play the scene as if you were watching a movie where you are the lead character. What are you saying? What do you do? How do the other persons interact and react to your actions? What do they say? How do you constructively influence and convince the other person(s)? Envision different reactions of your counterpart and the constructive answers you are giving him/her to achieve your goal. Direct the movie and adjust the dialogue so that it plays in the way you want it to go…in a way displaying your good leadership skills.
Once you are happy about the script and what you see in the movie, step inside the movie so that you can experience it as if it was happening right now. How do you feel? Notice your posture, breathing, thoughts, etc.
Repeat the visualization several times, and fine tune the movie if needed, until you are ready to perform it in real-life.

Visualizing helps your brain to prepare for the real-life situation, and not consider it as unknown potentially “dangerous” situation. It gets you mentally prepared and in control of whatever happens in this situation.

Tool 8: Cues management

It takes practice to change your mindset. To help you in the transformation process, you can use reminders and attention focusers to help you implement your new thinking patterns. Use reminders and signs such as post-its, bracelets, pictures, objects reminding you of a new thought etc.

Examples:

Write out positive statements of how you want to be and read them repeatedly, preferable out loud, throughout the day. Write them as if they are already true (e.g. I leverage my strengths”. To support you in this you could write them on some post-its and stick them in different locations (mirror, fridge, phone etc.).
Express one of your new supporting beliefs in the form of a motto you can repeat to yourself
Pick a picture that reminds you of a mood and mindset you were in so you can easily connect back to this energy when needed or desired.
Songs are powerful cues as well. If some songs bring up specific positive thoughts and feelings, identify it and listen to it regularly.

In conclusion, to become driver of your life, choose your thoughts.

Notice your self-talk and limiting beliefs and start quality control them. Make conscious decisions about what you will say and how you will express your ideas. Choose your mindset and be positive and constructive in the way you talk and think (no judgment, blaming, dramatizing etc.). Notice the effect or ask for feedback, and make adjustments accordingly. Over time you will notice how your impact on others and your environment will shift in a positive way.

Feel free to contact us for additional coaching support or leadership programs.

FURTHER RESOURCES
In previous article of the self-leadership series, we shared some tools to grow your self-awareness. Mindfulness, journaling, asking for feedback, mindful yoga, read them HERE

About the self-leadership series

This weekly series aims to share tools to help you grow your self-leadership and to connect to your three leadership intelligences: Head, Heart and Gut. When using these three intelligences, you increase your impact, relational skills, adaptability and resilience and can navigate the ever-changing environment with ease. So grab a notebook to make these practices powerful for you!

Previous articles in the self-leadership series: